The Gobi Desert—Mongolia’s Dairyland

When last we left our heroes, they had just completed an arduous three-day journey through Terejl National Park, the land of Ghengis Khan. They endured everything that was thrown their way—torrential rains, boiled meat, ox-cart after ox-cart. In spite of these hurdles, our spirited champions delighted in the sweeping landscapes and scenic beauty.

But now, a new quest lay ahead of them. A quest that would undoubtedly test their limits--the Gobi Desert--a barren  landscape twelve hours south of Ulaanbataar. The seven day journey would traverse impossible terrain. The roads leading south would not be paved, not be smooth. No, our two champions of evil and ill intent would find themselves bouncing up and down, back and forth, as their transport negotiated the lunar terrain. Thankfully, our beloved masters of might and magic would not be alone. Joining them on their impossible endeavor would be a team of five highly trained specialists. Let’s meet our heroes new-found comrades:

Chris – An amateur Minnesotan goat herder and jerky enthusiast, Chris can often be found stuffing small bits of meat into his pockets or providing comic relief for the rest of the team. The meat bits are not collected to satisfy some weird meat fetish, instead, Chris deploys them to distract nomadic dogs as the team sneaks safely throughout the camp.

Angela – A native of the Seattle area by way of Alaska, Angela is an outdoors-woman in every sense. Donning colorful flannel and nonchalantly climbing mountains, (or sand dunes) are her specialties. Angela, along with her partner Chris, is also an ice-cream connoisseur.

Marco – Calm. Collected. German. A critically acclaimed story-teller and world renowned cartographer, Marco has had his boots on the ground in over 100 countries. When Marco isn’t finding romance in everything he sees, he can usually be found behind the lens of his camera, or cursing himself for leaving his wife at home.

Sulche – Fluent in over 3 billion forms of communication, only C-3PO rivals Sulche in interpretation skills. An exceptional cook and knowledgeable guide, Sulche is the unrivaled leader of the operation. Without her, our team would have had no idea how many cups of vodka were customary to drink in one sitting, they would not have been able to decipher the difference between camel milk ice-cream and horse milk yogurt, they would have undoubtedly fallen apart in a matter of minutes…or starved to death.

Jaaga – Expert pilot and navigator, Jaaga is also friends with every single person in Mongolia, allowing our heroic comrades safe port all throughout the desert. He can often be found cleaning his van or encouraging Chris to drink vodka.

With a transport commissioned and provisions stockpiled, our heroic team of wanderers was off. What great perils lie in wait? Legends abound from the wastelands. They have heard the tales of an evil Milk Mage, rabid camels, and of course, the dreaded Mongolian Death Worm. One thing is for certain: before the week was over, our troupe of adventurers would indeed consume copious amounts of fermented milk and other diary products. The journey begins with a homestay in the middle Gobi...

Day 1: The Milk Drunks 

Shortly after arriving at camp, our party is shuffled into the family ger and seated in a circle around the hearth, which is in the center. Our adventurers exchange puzzled glances as large wooden bowls are distributed among them. Next, each member of the family receives a bowl, including those who have come from adjacent camps in order to get a look at our weary bunch of misfits. Each bowl contains an opaque white liquid. Again, puzzled eyes dance around the room but before any of our heroes can muster the courage to pose a question, the bowls are raised and touched together in the center of the room, and then they are drained all the way down to their wooden bottoms. Airag is made from fermented mare's milk. It is slightly sour, slightly milky, and a bit like yogurt. It is stored and served at room temperature and it is a staple among the nomadic population. The camp inhabitants are delighted to find that our heroes enjoy the milky brew and as soon as their bowls touch the floor, they are collected and filled again. Round after round is raised and drained. A small ceramic snuff bottle surfaces and is passed among the circle. It's contents smell of incense and the powder slightly burns the nostrils. Soon, all is merry inside of the round desert domicile as cheese curds and bowls of airag continue to circulate. 

Fermented mare's milk and cheese curds.

Snuff's enough

As the mare's milk continues it's rounds, another bowl, smaller but also wooden, is presented to one of our heroes. Marco takes a small whiff of the clear liquid and his face furls slightly. It is homemade vodka and each of our adventurers is expected to finish three bowls, as is customary according to Sulche. It's "bottoms up" for our young heroes who all begin to stagger and sway as they rise to their feet.

The vodka distillery

After the team is good and drunk and full of milk, dinner is prepared and served. Hot bowls of noodles mixed with bits of potatoes and boiled meat are devoured by our appreciative bunch. With their stomachs full and their blood warm, sleeping mats are rolled along the floor where our team will sleep under the watchful eye of their generous hosts.

Day 2: The Monastery Ruins

Sitting high above the river that shares it's namesake is the Ongiin Monastery. After a night of reckless milk consumption, our team, hoping for a speedy recovery, turns to spiritual intervention. With the monastery in ruins, the five young globetrotters took to the mountain top, hoping for a sign from the gods. Instead, they find more of the desert, sprawled in all directions in hues of blue and red. Marco finds it all so romantic. The rest of them team agrees. They descend the mountain and make camp on the banks of the Ongi river where they enjoy a hot meal and a blissful slumber.

Day 3: The Flaming Cliffs and Singing Dunes

Early in the 1920s an American paleontologist by the name of Roy Chapman Andrews discovered dinosaur fossils at Bayanzag, also known as the Flaming Cliffs. Our heroes cautiously tiptoed along the rims, scanning the sandstone walls for dinosaur remnants but ultimately making no new discoveries. Although their efforts proved fruitless, their undying determination was rewarded...with camel ice-cream, (not camel flavored--ice-cream made from the milk of camels).

In the early evening, our restless bunch of vagabonds approaches Khongoryn Els, otherwise known as the Singing Dunes. They've only a moment to rest before being rounded up and each propped between the humps of a camel. After sauntering around for about an hour, they head to the local watering (milking) hole (a ger) and enjoy some ice cold, frosty beers...rather, they enjoy some room temperature bowls of hormog--fermented camel's milk. After re-hydrating, our heroes scale the sides of the sand dunes, with zest and vigor only comparable to Rocky Balboa climbing that random mountain in Siberia...at the end of the second (or third, maybe) montage in Rocky IV...right before the big fight...before he reaches the top he outruns the KGB...then he gets to the summit and screams "DRAGO!"...hearts on fire...

Cautious of the maniacal camels patrolling the only exit route, our team hatches an escape plan. As Chris distracts the camel sentries with his reflective chest, the rest of our heroes sneak safely to the edge of camp.

Camel sentries, the worst kind

Chris saves the day

Day 4: Yol Water Valley

After a brief but invigorating stroll through the water valley, our team camps under the protective eyes of some wild horses. If my memory serves me, it's possible that no milk products were consumed by any of our heroes on this, the fourth day of their journey.

Day 5: The White Stupa

After admiring the beauty of the eroding land at Tsagaan Suvarga, (known locally as "White Stupa, and designated as one of Marco's famed "romantic places"), our heroic travelers are treated to traditional Mongolian barbecue. Prepared expertly by Sulche, Mongolian barbecue is hunks of lamb (possibly an entire lamb), potatoes, carrots, cabbage and other vegetables covered and slow cooked using red hot stones. If your not salivating, have your glands examined.

Preparing the feast

Day 6: The Eye Wash Station

The gang heads to Baga Gazriin Chuluu to have their eyes flushed with sacred water. Free from visionary impurities, our heroes can clearly see the impressive granite formations all around them. Flooded with excitement, Marco strips to his skivvies and dances in the pounding rain as soon as the team reaches their final Gobi ger camp. It truly was romantic.

Day 7: The Return

Having drunk as much milk as they could over the course of one week, it was time our heroes go back to from where they came. As they prepared to depart, an Ibex appeared high in the cliffs, effectively blocking their only escape route. Once again, Chris proved himself worthy and the team was able to escape unharmed.